I've got your quirks right here...

I haven’t written here in a while, but Amburger has ‘tagged’ me, which apparently means that I must participate in a writing activity wherein I disclose 9 of my personal quirks or oddities about myself. Amber came up with quite a creative list, and until now, I wasn’t sure I’d make time to write a full 9 of them. But, I am sitting at work right now, and just a moment ago, I actually died of boredom.
Fortunately, a woman saw it happen from down the hall, ran down to my desk, and shocked my heart back to life with 2 pie pans and a GameBoy. So…I thought I would use my newfound lease on life to think of a few quirks that I may have. Here is a list of 9 quirks that I enjoy living out from day-to-day. This list is exhaustive. Beyond these 9 things, everything I do is considered normal by everyone around me.

1. Most everyone who would read this probably knows me, but as an overview, I am 26 years old, I have a college degree. I have a job. I have a car. I pay my bills. I weigh over 200 pounds. I’m a grown man. But right now, as I write this, I have Batman sheets on my bed. Right now. Those sheets—they see as much action as any other set of bedding in the linen closet. They aren’t always on the bed, but they’re in the cycle with the more reputable, albeit less awesome sheets in the hamper. I find it very funny to go into my room full of grown-up furniture and books and clothes, only to see my bed adorned with frickin’ Batman! I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bring me immeasurable joy! So it’s a little weird, but take my advice: To be a hero, you’ve got to sleep on a hero.**
**Many thanks to Micah and Patty for the gift!!

2. These quirks are very revealing, for as children relate to the joy of Quirk #1, women know the joy of Quirk #2, which is this: I have over 25 pairs of shoes. As I mentioned before, I’m at work, so I cannot give you the exact number, but I can assure you, x=shoes, and x > 25. I am slightly embarrassed by this quirk—only because of the money involved in purchasing this many shoes, but let me ask you this: Could Batman save lives if he were barefoot? Think about it…

3. I rarely brush my teeth in the bathroom. There—I said it. I enjoy brushing my teeth outside, and I don’t care who knows it!! And if I don’t brush them outside, I walk around the house and brush them while I do other things. I don’t know why. My dental hygiene cannot be contained by a single room. I have this quirk. But, ‘you know what I’ve never had?? A cavity. Coincidence?! I think not.

4. So after I sleep on my badass Batman sheets, then choose a sweet pair of shoes to wear out on the deck while I brush my teeth, let’s say it’s lunch time and I want to enjoy an American culinary favorite—the PB&J. I pull out a brand new jar of peanut butter, unscrew the lid, tear of the foil seal that is there ‘For My Protection’, and there it is—the smooth surface of an unopened jar of peanut butter. Since I was a kid I have carried out a tradition wherein I get the first taste of a new jar of peanut butter by sticking my finger in it. I don’t know why I do it, but to my recollection, I have never opened a new jar of peanut butter and not done that. I’d say that peanut butter is a lot like a person, in that it would rather be touched by an adoring hand than a blade of steel…or a spoon.

5. Again, most who would read this already know me, and would know that I am one of the most laid-back people God ever put on the earth. Which is why most people who first see my closet gasp with a sense of wonderment that usually only comes upon the sight of doves taking flight. This closet, which is home to most of the aforementioned shoes, is one of the only areas of my life that is meticulously organized. The sheer number of clothes is enough to make a parachute for my apartment building if you, for some reason, wanted to throw it out of a plane. But it’s the order that is, perhaps, my quirk. All of the hangers are black and identical. On the rod from left-to-right are sections: overcoats, suits, vests, dress shirts, hanging trousers, sweater vests, sweaters, short-sleeved polos, long-sleeved polos, long-sleeved t-shirts, jackets, then jerseys—all of which are subdivided by weight, color, and pattern. Above the rod are neatly folded stacks from left-to-right: shorts, two stacks of t-shirts, khaki and brown pants, jeans, blue pants and others. Each of these stacks is two feet tall at full strength. And you’ll take my word that the 2 dressers are equally full and organized. It borders on maniacal, but it is a thing of beauty. Again, would Batman be a hero if he couldn’t find the Batsuit among all his other non-bulletproof millionaire clothes? I must be AT LEAST as prepared as Batman. I’ve always said that.

6. Another “quirk” of John Summitt is found in the fact that I get nearly as excited about the NCAA basketball tournament as I do about Christmas. If March Madness were in December, I’d have to wear a huge diaper for the entirety of the month just to contain my ‘excitement’. More about this will be written as March approaches.

7. The 7th quirk is multi-tiered, but I will only list two tiers. Both begin with this phrase: “I generally want to physically and ferociously attack…”
“…people who wear black shoes with brown pants or vica-versa.”
“…people who don’t thoroughly enjoy, or have not seen Top Gun.”
** [I lied. There are 3 tiers.]
“…other ninjas who oppose me.” **

8. Quirk #8 is similar to Quirk #5 in that it deals with meticulous organization so outstanding that an obsessive/compulsive person would click their heels in a moment of joy that, for them, usually only comes after washing their hands precisely 43 times with as many bars of soap. It is our DVD collection, and my roommate, Micah, shares this quirk. We have a fairly large collection of movies, considering I watch them for money. One night from about 1-3 AM, when Micah was supposed to be writing a paper for seminary, we instead organized the DVDs thematically. There are too many categories for me to list them, but the beauty is not only found in the major and minor categories, but also in the transitions from one to the next. One example among many: The movie, A Time to Kill, with Matthew McConaughey bridges the gap between the racially charged dramas section—with movies like, American History X and Mississippi Burning into romantic dramas, to romantic comedies, to slapstick, and so-on. The factor that allows us to move from love to hate so seamlessly?? Matthew McConaughey, and the cinematic FACT that he is a dreamboat. Don’t try to dispute it—it’s SCIENCE. There are many other ingenious transitions, but you’ll have to visit our home to see that whole package. I know I’ve mentioned things like Matthew McConaughey, romantic comedies, and dreamboats that may give you the idea that there is some masculinity at stake here. Well the “Badass Man-movie” section of the shelves begs to differ!! And, as mentioned, I can’t change science.

9. After every shower I take, I sing, “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone…” so that shaving is more pleasant. That one’s not true, but the other 8 are good, and my time here at work is almost over. I’ve got to get home, brush my teeth god-knows-where, and hit the hero sheets.
Thank you.