Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Robots.

I posted the previous post because it was brought to mind by something that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. That something is this: How long will it be before the robots are allowed to take over the world?
I got a phone call today from Anthony, a roommate from college, who told me that a telemarketer had been calling his home number looking for me!! Now, Anthony was my roommate in college for only one year. During that time, his name was not on any of the bills, the lease, or any of that. The aforementioned home number is a number that he doesn't give out to anyone. He only has a home phone in order to get the internet. And someone is calling him, in Dallas, Texas looking for me!! I have not taken out any loans in Anthony's name, I have never put Anthony on any forms as a reference, and even if I had, I don't have Anthony's home phone number. I call his cell phone because no one knows his home number. They don't need to.
But there is someone who knows the number: THE ROBOTS. That is the only reasonable explanation for this situation. The robots are clearly tracking me. They haven't found me yet, but they are getting closer. They've located a friend who lives 500 miles away, with what was, no doubt, a long and tedious search. Don't take this lightly. The robots are "correcting" our "mistakes", and now I have the first evidence of a tracking system. There are other things if one simply looks around, that are blatant tools of the robots. A list might include, but is not limited to, the following:

1. The Transformers movie: a great movie, as long as you watch it with one mantra in mind: "There are NO friendly robots."

2. The i Phone: Everybody seems to want one. I do not. Paying $600 for a phone only supports the robot regime. And when your i Phone i Lasers your i Brain, then i Knew iT!!

3. New cars: Cars are now being made that can park themselves, be tracked at all times, can be started from around the world via computer, and whose wipers detect rain and start themselves. If you own one of these cars, abandon it immediately and go buy a 1985 Ford Thunderbird. The T-Bird is invulnerable to robot control.

4. Simon: You remember the "game." Red, yellow, blue, green. Repeat the sounds and flashing lights. That was the beginning. Thanks Milton Bradley...thanks a lot!!

5. Starbucks Coffee Inc.: There are many reasons why this is clearly a robot-run establishment, but I give you three words: Tall, Grande, Venti. Small, medium, and large are NEVER good enough for the multi-lingual memory banks of a robot. That is clearly robot-speak. And again: overhead cost of a cup of coffee: $.61. Price of a cup of coffee: $6.00. Profit to the robot regime: $5.49. Touche, robots, touche.

You can feel free to add to this list as you see evidence of the robots taking over/ destroying the world. But know that they are trying. We must fight...either now...voluntarily...or later. Remember the mantra.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

John,

How you can go from talking last night about all that seriousness, to this, I will never know. But it is, withouth question one of the reasons that you're one of my favorite people! Thanks for listening and for making me laugh.

Love,

Katie

amberburger said...

seriously how did i not know this exsisted. your blog that is. my life has been renewed.

Anonymous said...

John I'm quite sure that your Oldsmobile Intrique is part of the robot alliance. I'm sure that as of this moment your car is trying to get back on the people, who invaded its privacy by smashing in a window and abducting one of its most invaluable parts, its carstereo. So John watch out for instances when your Intrique will take over your steering wheel and run over the infidels who stole its stereo.

Mimi said...

And there you go...Starbucks raises its prices!

Dangerdane00 said...

while reading Rene's comment. all i could think of was him saying it. and it made me laugh even more!

if you haven't figured it out by now. i'm still at my mom's. i wanted to let you know through this, since the robots haven't quite figured out that this site exists. they have complete control of hotmail. but blogspot is safe for now. for all we know that is.

perhaps i will stop by tomorrow night or day. i'm tired of being at my mom's. she's drivingme crazy.

later!

Anonymous said...

Ahh! The memories of my sweet 1985 Thunderbird!